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| You can be your own worst enemy if you give into negative self talk |
Self-sabotage is an experience of an ‘internal
tug-of war’ which tries to pull you away from the things that will make you
successful in all aspects of your life. It stems from the action of your saboteur.
Your saboteur is that internal force, that “voice in
your head,” that “critical inner voice,” which keeps attacking your positive
thought processes, in an attempt to destroy them and replace them with negative
self thought.
According to an article published on PsychAlive, “Critical
Inner Voice,” “This stream of destructive thoughts forms an anti-self that
discourages individuals from acting in their best interest.” Further, “The voice consists of the negative
thoughts, beliefs and attitudes that oppose our best interests and diminish our
self-esteem. It encourages and strongly influences self-defeating and
self-destructive behavior. This hostile, judgmental advisor also warns us about
other people, promoting angry and cynical attitudes toward others and creating
a negative, pessimistic picture of the world.”
For example, you may want to be successful but this
internal voice tells you, you shouldn’t do it or you cannot do it or that it is
impossible to achieve. According to Troyan William, in her article, “40 Ways to
Self Sabotage Your Success,” it is when you give in the negative pull “and there is no logical, rational, or otherwise, "real" reason why
you can't do and/or have it," [your desires] you are self sabotaging.
Common Self-Sabotaging Behaviors
People who self
sabotage usually have negative self-talk and negative thought processes. They focus
on the challenges and the problems, thus defeating their chances to achieve,
and this is what sets them apart from real successful people.
Self sabotaging behaviors are most
recognized as instances where you distract yourself with other chores or
projects in order to escape working on something that relates to your success. For
example, you worry about what other think of you and your goal to succeed; you procrastinate
and “You start projects designed to create your
success, make some progress, then lose interest and don't finish them;” “You
don't set specific goals for guiding your success-making efforts and decisions;”
and “You spend all of your time, money and energy trying to learn how to be successful and
never actually get around to doing the things that will create
your success.” Williams
says.
You also generally have
great ideas but often do not get around to choosing one and getting started. People
who sabotage their success also tend to stay on a project only if they are
excelling at it. If however they start to not do well, they usually force themselves
to quit. They also find no shortage of excuses or reasons why they discontinued
the project.
You Want Success But You're Afraid of It
You have great fears of
success mainly because you think you’re going to fail on the journey. Even if
you break the barriers of distraction and procrastination, and find your way to
success, you often choose the most difficult pathway. This in turn operates to
undermine your success in the end. Some psychologists concluded that self
sabotagers are addicted to struggle and really set themselves up perfectly for
failure. Then they worry about people criticizing them for not succeeding at
something they set out to do. In fact, this is another example why they
sometimes avoid success in the first place.
The link to rebelliousness
People who self-sabotage
possess a common trait of rebelliousness. It is not that they are unable to
succeed, but they have the propensity to rebel against the natural order to
prove that they can do things their way. To prove a further point, or to demonstrate
their concept of strength, they usually take a difficult path to accomplish
goals. They often wind struggling and achieving little or nothing. This result is similar to the one where people shoot themselves in the foot because they are afraid to succeed. Often times this is highly unnecessary as these rebels are bound to achieve their goals, except some adverse, intervening event prevents
this achievement.
Escaping From and Defeating Your
Saboteur
To escape the strongholds of self
sabotage (your saboteur), you have to ‘rewire’ your brain. You must first identify
the behaviors which destroy your chances of success. You must then replace them
with positive behaviors and positive self talk which supports your goals for success.
This is called genuine alignment of thoughts with goals and desires. Constant positive
affirmation of positive behavior will eventually override the destructive
behaviors.
“The challenge is to identify and ‘flush
out’ this internal covert operation. To do this, be on the lookout for when you
slip into a bad mood or become upset. Investigate: what caused the shift? What
happened and, most importantly, what did you start telling yourself after the
event? The fact that your mood shifted from feeling optimistic or relaxed to
feeling down or irritable is probably a sign that you are interpreting the
event through your critical inner voice." (PscyhAlive)
Stop being your worst enemy and become your
greatest ally! Promote positive self interest by unlearning old behaviors that
hinder progress and learning new behaviors that help you achieve your goals. You
must also challenge and act against the directions of your critical inner
voice. If you’ve started a project, continue it, finish it, even if you are not
doing as well as you expect, and even if that “nagging voice” tells you to
quit.
Good luck!
Learn more about the critical inner voice and self-sabotaging by looking at this video by Dr. Lisa Firestone, Ph.D. Introduce the Concept of the Critical Inner Voice, uploaded on the left side bar of this website.
Have a comment? Tell us your thoughts by using the comment link/box below.
References:
PsychAlive: Critical Inner Voice, http://www.psychalive.org/critical-inner-voice/
Break Free From You Self Sabotage Barriers: Troyann Williams,
http://www.breakfreefromselfsabotage.com/01articles/40-ways-to-self-sabotage-your-success.htm#ixzz2uXkuyHTO
Further Reading:
Voice Therapy: Robert Firestone, http://www.glendon.org/post-topic/voice-therapy/
