Women: Top Four Reasons Why You’re Still Single and Looking

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There must be a reason why you’re reading this at the moment. You too are looking for perfection in a man. You will not find it. It simply does not exist. If you want a perfect man, then you have to be a perfect woman. Now this is not for women who have just broken off of a bad relationship, or just had their heart broken. Some of you have legitimate reasons for being single—for the time being. Instead, this is for all my ladies who take it upon themselves to make their chances of meeting their soul mate 10 times harder than it should be. You, yes, you, are the reason why you’re still single, because you keep shooting yourself in the foot. What in the world do you want?!

Here are our top 4 reasons why many women are single and still looking

Men Won’t Put up With your BS: You just won’t grow up. You still want to party and hang out with your girls all the time and expect your man will be right there waiting for you when you get home, because he doesn’t mind. All you’re concerned about is yourself; your hair and nails, your clothes and pocketbooks, and how hip you look when you’re out. You don’t want to cook, wash or clean. Or you want to sneak around and think he’s that stupid; he doesn’t have a clue. Your attitude stinks; you don’t know how to talk to your man or anyone for that matter. You think he and everyone else is beneath you, all because you’re a little good-looking and make a few bucks. Yeah, Miss Independent. Okay, you make a little bit more money than he does, but who cares. If your money will dictate whether you’re respectful to others, including the man who cares about you and loves you, girl you’ve got some issues, and will continue to have them unless you put things in perspective. And you’re wondering why you’re still single and dying to get a man in your arms….Girl please….

Unreasonable expectations: You followed some relationship coach’s advice and made a list of all the things you want in your mate, and a list of the things about a man you find distasteful. Woman to Woman Blog Talk calls it your, ‘Don’t Date That Guy’, list. Based on your list you’ve profiled your ‘perfect’ Cassanova. While it might be okay to follow advice from professional relationship coaches, you still have to make a realistic list of what you wish in your Mr. Right. Your Mr. Right might not be my Mr. Right. Every woman’s Mr. Right is unique to her taste, standards, values, and expectations. At the same time, by having unreasonable expectations you set yourself up for heartbreak, or not ever finding that ‘perfect’ man.

In deciding what you want in your mate, you need to leave out the material things you attach to him. Oh, he better be rich and famous; my man has to be driving a fancy, expensive car; he must have a mansion, he must be tall, dark, and handsome, or tall and pale with pretty blue eyes; he must be muscular and sexy; he must buy me everything I want; his family/relatives must be perfect, heck, he better be perfect, he must be willing to cook, wash, and clean, because I’m not doing that…I’m not going to be his maid, he must run to me at my every behest; hold my hands, paint my nails, wash my hair, lick my toes….and the unrealistically unreasonable list goes on.

Unsubmissiveness: I’ve never heard a man said he prefers an unsubmissive woman or spouse. One who’s submissive is one who is ready “to give over or yield to the power or authority of another.” Such a person is usually “unresistingly or humbly obedient.” (Dictionary.Com) Oh, I know you can’t wait to jump all over me. Well, that’s precisely one of the reasons why so many women are still single. They take the words out of the man’s mouth; they just wouldn’t let him speak. They treat him like the whipping boy, the son of an irritating mother, being punished for every bad deed a former man has ever done to them. And they refuse to submit to the authority of their partner or spouse.

The issue of submission, used in the context of women surrendering ultimate authority to the man has been a source of heated debate and cynicism. Men are inherently authoritative and have been cultured to be the ones who take the reigns. No one is asking women to be the doormat or the dumping ground for unscrupulous men. But good, wonderful men deserve to know that they can be a leader in their family or have some sort of respect from their women, and influence over day-to-day activities and responsibilities. “I don’t need to listen to you, you listen to me,” “You’re not the boss of me,” “I’m my own woman,” “I make my own money, so you have no say over what I do,” “Heck, I don’t need you,” are some of the statements men have to hear, statements they abhor and which are tantamount to unsubmissiveness.

We cannot eat our cake and still have it. Be a lady and act like it. Trying to be the boss at all costs is unattractive to men—a turn off, actually. A man who truly loves and respects you will let you have your say and value and consider your opinions, and so that way you will have no need to struggle for supremacy in the relationship.

If you feel so passionate about not being accountable to your partner or spouse, then you should not be in a relationship. And don’t give me the 50/50, equality crap. A woman’s got to be a woman, and a man a man. You cannot be both the woman and the man. If you want to be both, then you should make up your mind on remaining single for the rest of your life!

Unable get over a past bad relationship: Okay, so you’ve been hurt…That’s not kool, if a guy gave you heartache without reason to do so. But you’re not the first or last or only woman who’s been in those shoes. Having had your heart broken does not give you a license to view every man as similar to the last man who dogged you out and broke your heart. “Oh, Tom cheated on me, this one might do the same.” “Girl, Jack abused me, John just might abuse me too.”

In order for you to let another guy into your life, you have to let the one you’re holding on to out. Of course you’re no longer in that painful relationship, but the fact that your past experiences hinder your present and future relationship progress says a whole lot. It says, especially, that you have not yet moved on. Past bad experiences must be used for the lessons they teach and wisdom they bring, not to prevent you from progressing. When you keep holding on to what your ex has done, you leave no space for your Mr. Right to come in, or if he does, you will chase him away by your action or inaction, because he will soon realize that you class him with your bad exes, and that really and truly you’re not emotionally available and ready for a new relationship. And poof! There goes your one chance at having relationship bliss.

You’ve heard and read warnings about not “settling” or not “settling for less”, and no one should. No woman should put up with a man’s BS. But to everything there must be moderation and balance, otherwise you will cheat yourself out of the good life brings. Although it is admirable to have certain standards set for yourself in choosing a partner, unreasonable expectations will continue to leave you empty-handed, and then you wonder why all your girlfriends are happy and together with their guys.

Check yourself. Are you being too stringent in your search for your mate? You will never find Mr. Perfect. If you keep that up, you will continue to be single and looking. Then you’ll wonder where all the years went, and now you’re old, cold and bitter, sitting in your rocking chair, disliking your cobwebbed house, and fussing over the 101 cats you decided to buy to keep you company while you wait on prince charming.

Do you agree with the ideas shared in this post? What has your experience been? Please feel free to comment below.

You may also like  What Happens When Women Settle For Less

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What Happens When Women Settle for Less

A Woman to Woman Blog Talk Exclusive by Zoe Mendez

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WHY DO SO MANY WOMEN STAY IN RELATIONSHIPS WELL PAST THEIR EXPIRATION DATE? When did women begin to accept the idea that any man, even the one who won't give us what we desire, is better than having no man at all? Won’t being single be better than settling for less?

Steve Harvey's, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man is really a good read and gives a good insight to the male psyche. Women settle for so many different reasons, ranging from religious demands, maintaining family traditions, shame of being labeled as a ‘hoe’, and for a very simple reason as being afraid to hold out for what they want and know they deserve. As women, we need to understand that once we are in a good place and we are prepared to give our best in a relationship, then we deserve nothing less in return. Not 50/50, not 60/40, but 100%. If that is what you are prepared to give then why settle for less? There of course should be room for compromise, but one thing I know is that one should never settle for anything less than the best. I also believe that it does not take a man 10 years to decide he wants to spend the rest of his life with a woman. Some women settle out of share fear, the fear of being alone, the fear of her biological clock tick-tucking away, the fear of not being able to supply the security she needs for her future….It is all these seemingly insurmountable fears which trap us into settling for relationships that are unfulfilling.

Laziness is also another contributor. There are some women who believe they were born to be taken care of by a man, so they subject themselves to all sorts of unfair situations. While some may have legitimate economical and other social challenges that may cripple their abilities to educate and better themselves, there are those who simply refuse to do better, as their attitude is, “Why work when I can find a man to give me what I want?” They would rather be taken care of by the next man, or two or three, who come along. Economic challenges for sure can keep a woman in a place where she doesn't want to or is unable to explore her options on her own. She would much rather be dependent on a man who is not treating her right. Her psyche may have been programmed to make her believe that she cannot do better.

There is also the feeling of weariness that can come over a woman who has had several disappointing outcome from her love relationship. After the second or third or sometimes even the first negative experience that end in heart break, she may find herself settling the next time around whether for a short or long term period. Starting all over again is very difficult, and each situation comes with its own set of challenges. Whilst getting to know someone should be fun, I would have to admit it is a lot of work. It is not always just about the one person, it’s the family, friends and the other overall things that come along with getting to know someone new. I would be the first to admit that there are some relationships that have social and other benefits, so one would tend to hang in there, even though the relationship does not cater to the essence of your desire. I am personally not one to settle. One of my best friend's mantra is, "Better the devil you know than the one you don't". My mother’s favorite is, “When your hand is in tiger mouth, you have to pat his head”. (I guess this one refers to if you really can’t do better). Well I tell you, I would end up with no hands. Boy, I would leave that ferocious tiger so fast, his stripes would fall off! I guess though, at the end of the day, it boils down to what makes the individual happy. Some are very happy with mediocrity.

Women, look at men and take a page out of their book. Some men would rather keep their options open, as it's their way of enjoying the best of both worlds, so they would string you along. I’m not encouraging promiscuity. What I mean is women should learn to hold off longer that they usually do. Because they are all too ready, they settle—way too early, and often settle for less, cheating themselves out of a more meaningful relationship with someone else. Women settle for cheating men, physically, sexually and emotionally abusive men, bisexual men, men who insist on having open relationships, whether or not their woman approves….the list goes on. Something has to be psychologically wrong with people who settle for relationships which are unhealthy and destructive. We live what we learn. I promise you that.

But back to our men folks, for a minute. Look at them; they view marriage as a death sentence. I have a few married guy friends, and the one common thing they say is, if their marriage should end, they would probably never get married again. And their primary reason for feeling that way is because in a marriage they feel trapped and restricted. Even though they may pretty much still do whatever they want on the down low, I guess they still somehow want to feel a sense of loyalty to their partner without the guilt of dishonoring their vows—(that is, if they ever feel guilty).

As women, we have to look out for ourselves. While not every man you date is husband material, we should start exploring the possibilities early in the dating process. This would require eliminating superficiality, look beyond the cute face, the nice sexy body, the good job, and fancy car, his ability to satisfy our physical, and sexual needs. We should ask ourselves the hard questions first: Is this man someone I can build a future with, etc. Find out from him what is his story, ask questions that would give an insight to how he feels about marriage, children, family, what he has planned for the near and distance future, then compare notes (yours with his). For example, if your desire is to travel and see the world and eventually get settled in another country, then you may not want to make a long term commitment to someone who has no desire to leave his country. Or you may want to have a child or children and he doesn't. While it is possible that someone’s desire is not written in stone, and they are likely to flex with some things, one has to be careful when making long term commitment to someone whose ideals do not synchronize with yours. It is very easy to know whether or not the man you have your eyes on is game player. You just have to ask the right questions, start listening, and pay attention.

Be aware that some men are capable of using a marriage proposal as a stalling technique to get you off their back... And while you are basking in the glow of a nice ring with no wedding date, it might take you 4 - 10 years before you realize, OH SNAP!!! Is this going to ever happen? When some one proposes, the two of you need to step it up immediately by setting a date. If he keeps zig-zagging, then you should know he just ain’t that serious about making a commitment to you. Bottom line is, most men are territorial. When he meets a woman who is a game changer, he will go above and beyond to commit, that is, if he is smart enough to not want to loose his queen.

“I want a baby with you”, is the ultimate stall. It doesn’t mean that you will be, ‘Mrs Nooks’, anytime sooner. Just as there are women who feel getting pregnant for a man would make him stay, there are men who use that to put his stamp on a woman without doing the right thing by her and the child. He would push for you to have his child, but have zero intentions of ever walking you down the isle. If you're lucky, you might get an engagement ring with no set date, and before you know it, you are like a baby machine. Three or four children later, he’s off to marry someone else. Stop being miss-goody-two-shoes and let mister man be aware that while you love and care for him, if he is not going to honor you the way you deserve to be honored, there are other options that you are willing to explore. I am not endorsing cheating, that is by no way near what I am implying. You don’t have to accept being treated with disrespect. There is always someone waiting to love and appreciate you just the way you deserve.

Quick story: I remember meeting someone. Very nice guy, good job, not really my type, but I was willing to work with him. He had lots of potential. I really liked having him around. He was a blessing in so many ways, helped out around the house, etc. In short, he was definitely husband material, but I sensed that he was not 100% genuine. So my boy decided he will play the “I want to marry you” card within the first two months of us meeting. I said okay and asked, “How soon do you want to do it?” He said “In about a year's time”, so I said, “Fair enough, let's pick a date”, and we did. Then I decided to take his game off-course. I told him if we are going to have a nice wedding we need to start planning early, like start checking out reception halls, and such like in order to work out our budget. I also suggested we could exchange rings between each other which would be symbol of our commitment. As simple as it sounds, taking him from place to place made me aware of the fact that he was not serious, because every step we took in the direction of planning a wedding, I sensed his hesitation. Then he pulled out his mother card. I had asked him if he was sure he was really ready to commit (this was about month 3) He said his mother says she think he was moving too fast, and that was the end of the drama. I simply let him know that I am looking for a man, not a boy, and moved right along.

It may have been a harsh move. One of the challenges we faced was that we both worked away from home, and I was not prepared to make a solid commitment to wait for anyone I was unsure of. I know it was just his way of doing what he thought was necessary to keep my attention. My advice to every woman is to trust your inner guide; you will always know when you are in a good place.

I truly embrace that when two people feel for each other, wanting to be together and do right by one another comes naturally. If being with me does not come natural to the other person, then I don’t want to be there either, it is way too much work getting caught up in getting some one to love you back. You really can’t make someone love you if they don’t, you can’t make their heart feel something if it doesn’t. Love just does not work that way, and pushing would only cause you to hurt yourself. Besides it will drain and suck up too much of your energy. This can contribute to feelings of worthlessness and low self-esteem.

While it maybe romantic to have bad times with the one you are with than to have good times with someone else (as Luther Vandross put it in his popular song), in reality, you may very well be happy dating until ‘Mr. Right’ comes along. Why settle when we can also, just like our male counterparts, explore our options. KNow when to fold, and make a committment to yourself that you will settle for MORE.

Do you think you're in a relationship that is going nowhere? Why settle for less? Has he proposed a long time back but has keeps dodging the wedding date?

Feel free to leave your comments below

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