Finding the Love You Deserve this Winter

CLICK 2 LIKE us on FACEBOOK

By our Relationship Coach, Stephanie Tru

Aaaah! It’s fall, that time of year when the leaves change and sway to the ground in beautiful colors of brown, gold, and green. It’s the time of year you grab the ladder from the garage and make your way to the attic to retrieve that box of sweaters you put away last spring. This is also said to be one of the loneliest times of the year for women all over the US. Single women everywhere will start worrying if they’ll have to make a solo appearance at the office holiday party again or if they’ll have anyone to spend romantic nights with curled up in front of the fireplace with a blanket. Yes we are in the mist of “cuddle season”. You or someone you know will start searching Facebook for your old flames who might be interested in spending some quality time with you again or, if your pride is too strong, you’ll just bury yourself in your work and try to keep your head under snow until the new year.

Photo:conversations.blackvoice.com

I often wonder why even the most seemingly confident, single women show such signs of insecurity during the winter months. Maybe it’s because there’s so many holiday parties to attend, one doesn’t want to attend alone, or maybe all the questions from friends and family as to why they don’t have a boyfriend? People, for whatever reason tend to notice your relationship status more in the winter for some reason. Many women will accept dates from men they’d traditionally turn down in every other season of the year, or they will wallow in sadness at their single status. What’s a girl to do?

First off, I want to say women should stop feeling so sad about being single. You are never really “not in a relationship” because you are always having a relationship with yourself. This fact might not feel very comforting to you at the moment, but keep reading and you’ll understand my point. I always say “A man’s rejection might just be God’s protection”. Now let me explain this idea so nobody gets confused.

I’m not proposing that whatever reasons men might not be ringing your phone off the hook is because they are so stupid and blind to how amazing you are. Sure that might be true, but sometimes it really could be you. There’s two ways this idea plays out in real life: Either God’s protecting your time and heart from someone who isn’t for you or God’s protecting you from ruining it with a great guy, because you actually aren’t prepared to be dating him anyway and saving you the heartache of hearing, “It’s not you. It’s me,” or “I’m just really trying to focus on my career right not” followed by a dial tone and a block on all social media sites.

The great thing is, in either case, this gives you a chance to get your mess of a life together or more opportunities to enjoy the single life and continue to cultivate all the skills that make you fabulous already. As you wait for your dream guy to sweep you off your feet this season, or hell just a guy to take you to dinner, here are things you should be doing to prepare yourself for a winter romance or just to increase your value to yourself and others:

1.) Keep a daily journal where you chronicle your experience, but most of all make a list of all your accomplishments for that day. It can be as small as, "I ate a piece of fruit for a snack at work and resisted the vending machine", or "I cleaned out the garage finally and now everything is in its proper place". I try to write down at least 5 accomplishments per day.

Result: This will build confidence as you’ll see how much more you accomplish when you know you have to be accountable in your journal at the end of the day. Men like women with purpose and drive, so you definitely want to have things going on in your life that don’t just include shopping, watch trashy reality shows, and looking for a man. This exercise will either reveal how active your life is and how on top of things you are or it will show the lack of goals or depth and substance your current activities bring.

2.) Hit the gym. Love is not blind and a heart attack isn’t bias. I am not preaching to you that the only way to land a guy is to be a size two, but I am advocating for dedication to better health. When you look better you feel better. If you’re single this fall, you might find yourself spending a lot of time by alone anyhow, so why not jump start that diet you’ve been promising yourself you would, or purchase that workout program you’ve been saying all year you’d love to try. While the rest of the country in January will be making resolutions to get fit and lose weight you’ll already be 10 steps ahead and you can slide into spring feeling sexy, confident, and full of energy.

Result: A healthier you, a smaller waist line, boost of confidence, more energy, more vitality, and improved moods

3.) Decide what you want in a boyfriend. Then decide what you’re willing to give in the relationship. Many women have absolutely no clue what they want out of a man. They quote a lot of stuff they heard their girlfriends say, but never had really taken the time to decide for themselves. I’m not just talking about the superficial list of qualities that immediately come to mind like rock hard abs, swollen bank account, and fabulous condo in your favorite part of the city. I’m talking about thoughts like wanting the man to be confident, appreciative, kind hearted, good with money management, ambitious, pro marriage, and many other things. This might not be your things, but those above were just listed as examples.

Result: The world is funny, in that, when you have no idea what you want and send out mix message you get jacked up, mixed results. Deciding what you what and what you’re prepared to do for a boyfriend makes it so much easier to attract those men into your life. You won’t deal with men who don’t fit your fundamental standards, which will leave you available to the prospects you want.

4.) Get your finances in order.

It’s my personal opinion that if your finances are a mess the last thing you need to be doing is entering into a relationship. It’s easy to say that you aren’t a “gold digger” until that man starts flashing cash all around, taking you to fancy places, and buying lavish gifts. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be happy and accept a man wanting to spoil you, but you don’t want to fall prey to NEEDING him to do so, otherwise your life retreats back to lack and living pay check to pay check. Get your finances in order so that you can want and desire your man but not need him to feed yourself. Men hate feeling used and you’ll hate for being dependent on him. If you give yourself a price someone will buy and you never should allow yourself to become someone’s property. You all know what I mean.

Result: You’ll attract the type of men that have their financial house in order as well. He will see that you are able to receive all that a good man can bring, but you won’t be hitting him up for a loan to pay your car note and you might even be able to pick up the check on a few dates. It’s so much more fun falling in love with someone for the simple joy of it rather than having desperation to land a guy who can save you from your money woes. There’s nothing attractive about a broke woman whose begging men for money.

5.) Last, but not least, you need to GET RID of all baggage. Yes I know you are human and there are things that have happened in your relationships in the past that still affect you, but you must deal with them. Women always make the mistake of burying their pain and ignoring it hoping it will go away. I’m sure you already know it doesn’t and soon it rears its ugly head—again! Sometimes the best way to get over past breakups is to just go through the hurt. If you need to cry, rip up a photo of the two of you together, vent to a close friend or even better pray and talk to God about it. Please do so. The sooner you free yourself from any pain you’re feeling, even if it’s something that happened years ago, the better you’ll be. Looking for a guy while you’re emotionally unavailable is like wearing a sign that says I am incapable of giving myself to anyone. So to all the men who prey on broken, insecure, and bagging filled women, PLEASE CALL ME; I’m ready to have by heart played with and stomped on.

Result: You’ll feel ten pounds lighter and notice how much positivity flows to you in the forms of people and circumstances now that you have let go of all that baggage that weighed you down. You’ll have no problem attracting the men you want because you’ll be open and clear to concentrate on a new person and all that the relationship can bring to your life.

If you’re alone for the winter or coupled up, these tips I’ve shared will help you grow and create a more harmonious environment for relationships. Something tells me that after reading this you’ll be ready to make the changes necessary to move your dating life from stagnant to busy and fabulous. Good luck in love this fall!

How is your love life right now? Are you happily coupled up or does your single life suck? Feel free to comment below. Tell us all about it!

Copyright Woman to Woman Blog Talk. All rights reserved, 2011.

Enter your email address to get updates everytime we post:


>

Top Ten Tips for the First Date

by Stephanie Tru, Relationship Coach and Guest Contributor for Woman to Woman Blog Talk

LIKE us on FACEBOOK

Hello Ladies

- I’ve listed below my top ten tips for a first date. Noting that I say is law, but I’ve lived and learned and want to share what I’ve done, both good and bad. Lets go !!

Tips for a first date

Ladies

1.) First impressions are very important as well as lasting, so put your best foot forward. Keep your hair nice and neat; nothing too over dramatic or high fashion. If you’re going to put extensions in, keep it classy, and make sure the color choice suits your skin tone. I can’t tell you how many men I’ve interviewed have said they instantly get turned off when a woman’s hair is “doing too much”. This could mean extremely long weave that mimics a rainbow. When it comes to hair and makeup, less is more. If you want to add a little length, then cool, but 12 inch extensions will do: not 18 inches! And let’s keep the colors within 1,1B,2,4. I’ll even let the 27, 33, and 6 slide, but this is only if your skin tone matches those shades.

On the makeup tip, don’t look like a china doll. Makeup is to enhance and at best cover up imperfections: not to double as Lil Kim. Everything in moderation.

2.) Dress appropriate to where you’re going. Don’t show any cleavage or wear anything too revealing. You can cover up and still be sexy. Resist the temptation to put on your freakum dress. There will be a time and a place for that and the first date isn't it. If the guy you’re out with can’t look across the table at you and envision you at thanksgiving dinner with his parents, family and friends, it’s a wrap. Most men have been told by their moms “Don’t you bring any trash in my house”. If you carry yourself in a manner that would bring shame to him rather than praise, he’s probably not going to pursue you for a long-term commitment. Don’t strike out on the first date just because you wanted to be a bit sexy. Have some class and cover up.

3.) Keep your heels at a reasonable height. A 3-4 inches heel is acceptable on a first date. It disgusts me to see women stumbling around because they are trying to get their “runway” on. I’m all for your attempt at becoming America’s next top model, but calm that down on a date. That’s all I’m saying.

4.) Make sure you’re nice and fresh. Take a shower or bath before any date, and don’t over do it on the perfume. A nice body mist will do just fine. Some men can’t handle really intense smells, and you don’t want your date 50 feet away from you all night. My personal favorite is Vera Wang. Works every time.

5.) A beautiful smile is very attractive, so make sure to brush and floss before your date. I like to carry a travel size toothbrush and mouth wash in my purse so I can freshen up after a hearty meal. This might seem like a bit much, but men have told me they’ve run into plenty of women with poor oral hygiene on a date and they appreciate the women who go above and beyond to keep that in check.

6.) If you’re going out to dinner pay for the meal. “Oh no,” most will say, but trust me, it will leave a lasting impression and will set you apart from all the other women your date has gone out with. This should be done genuinely and even if he refuses to let you go ahead and still offer. It says a lot about you and whether he ends up paying or not, he won’t forget the gesture. Most men have never gone out with a woman who offered to pay for anything. Yes, I understand that he’s the man and should pay, but nothing is wrong with showing your date that you appreciate and enjoy his company. Rather than sex later on to show your gratitude for the lobster and wine, just pay for the date. You notice I didn’t say pay half or pay the tip. It’s all or nothing. Go for the gold! Again, I say most men won’t let you, but it’s the thought and good intention that sticks out. Differentiation is the key to getting your dream man to pick you out of all his other prospects he’s probably juggling.

7. If a man opens your car door when leaving somewhere, after you’re in and he shuts the door, reach over and open the door for him. It shows that your courteous and have manners. I promise this will get you a second date, if it’s a good man. I’ve done this and it works every time.

8.) Under no circumstances do you have sex on the first date. I don’t care if you think you’ve met your soul mate. The quickest way to end up in a “jump off” category is to give it up before a man has any real feelings for you. He won’t see you as being respectable if you do so. Most women who give it up on the first date don’t go on to run off in the sunset: Some do, but the likelihood that it will happen to you is slim. It’s better to be safe than sorry. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s all love.

9.) This is an old tip which is hardly followed. Do not go into detail about your ex boyfriend. If you do and discuss it a little too long, with too much emotion, you might give your date the impression that you still have unresolved feelings, and most good men will not take you serious if that’s the case. This is what men like to call baggage and being emotionally unavailable. Most men don’t want to hear anything about your ex. They might engage you but trust they’re out to enjoy time with you not hear you yap about your ex, how crappy he is, or how you gained 20 pounds after the breakup. He doesn’t need to know all your business and why all your past relationships failed. Less is more when talking about your ex on the first date.

10.) If you’re on a really good date and neither one of you wants it to end, DO NOT propose going to one another’s place to watch a movie or just hang. This almost always leads to some sort of sexual behavior and it’s too risky. Y’all know what happens. You go over to his place or your place; you pop in a movie and get comfy on the couch. You might get 30 minutes in to the movie before he starts kissing you on your neck and offers to give you a “massage”. You’re tense, so you take off your shirt and let him go to work. Ok Pause. Ladies, you know damn well that you’re going to be thinking more thoughts than about tension in your back when his hands are all over you. Then he suggests you take off your bra because, hey, he can really get to work if your whole back is exposed. Don’t fall for the bra trick.  Happens all the time, and usually women have no intention of doing this type of stuff but, hey, you get caught up in the moment.

You want to stay respectable in his eyes and a respectable woman knows when to end the night even if she’s having a good time. Resist the temptations!

Just keeping it Tru.
 

Visit Tru's Single Black Female Confession Blog

All rights reserved.

What are your thoughts? Can you identify with any of these first dates do's and don'ts? Feel free to comment below.

Stephanie Tru: Relationship Coach

Tru's Articles

Finding the Love You Deserve this Winter

Here at Woman to Woman Blog Talk we understand what it means to help you have successful relationships and to improve other aspects of your life by coaching, motivating, inspiring you, to become the best you can be. Our relationship/self-improvement coach can help you!

With grace, sophistication, and wisdom Stephanie offers tools and advice through coaching and her many praised articles to the women of the millennial generation and beyond on topics such as physical fitness and wellness, culinary arts, finances, feminine energy and sexuality, beauty and the traditional rolls of woman hood .Through ever lesson the main goal is to teach people to live every day with purpose and cultivate your dreams into reality.

These topics are all covered in Tru’s wildly anticipated release of her first book entitled, “The Stiletto Manual”, this fall Stephanie’s expertise, so to speak, comes from her children hood upbringing, and southern roots. From a young age, she watched her mother juggle a demanding career, home, kids, and a marriage with patience and ease. Her mother had a passion for cooking and baking so she quickly followed in her footsteps. Her grandmother instilled in her the importance of entrepreneur ship, and spirituality. Her grandmother being a seasoned and sought after musician and singer, as well as an owner of her very own drapery and fashion design business, inspired Tru to cultivate her own skills and become her own boss later in life.

Stephanie gets her knowledge not only from the trials and errors of life, but also from her love for reading and research. She says, “My message is to teach women and men to be their true selves and live by purpose and love so that there are no regrets, just lessons learned and extraordinary times to remember."

Contact Tru:

womantowomansite@gmail.com