Your Thoughts May Be the Source of Your Anger



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 Written By The Other Factor

Anger, too much anger, the issues, and the repercussions could be ruining your life. Which is why you need to put a reign on that anger horse immediately. (Yeah, yeah easier said that done and thus is the value of anger management and anger therapy)

A factor to note well is, although anger generally stems from events it might be a significant revelation to you that your thoughts may be the source of your anger. The anger-provoking event therefore is just the superficial cause, but it is the way you think and perceive the event in the moment that actually triggers the anger, and the escalation, and the explosion of it.

What really is "anger"?

To know if you're suffering from anger issues you must first understand what anger is. Anger is a natural response to situations in which we feel frustrated, or where we feel threatened, harmed or wronged, or where someone we love or care about is being threatened, harmed or wronged. Of course we all do get angry in various situations. However, the quintessential point to note about anger is that it becomes an issue when it is felt too intensely and too frequently and when it causes us to lose patience and act impulsively, aggressively or violently.

Anger Cues

The best way to manage a negative trait is to understand what causes it and how the body responds to its activation. With anger, there are physical, behavioral, emotional, and cognitive cues which makes us aware that we're becoming angry...if we pay attention to those signals. You may feel hot or flushed (a physical cue), clench your fist (a behavioral cue), feel disrespected (an emotional cue) or have negative thoughts or beliefs about people or places. All these are examples of signs which tell you you are getting angry or that your anger is escalating.

Your thoughts play perhaps the most significant role in any anger-provoking circumstance because at the end of the day you will get angry, but it is how you handle it that makes all the difference. Thoughts, and self-control, and self-control itself is managed by the way you think. If in the height of what might otherwise not be an anger-provoking event you interpret the event, actions, and/or comments by others in a negative way, you will become angry and continue to be an angry person. These thoughts are marked by images and fantasies of your negative interpretation of the anger-provoking event which you compare with thoughts about the way you believe things should be. The more you think about it your anger rises.

People with utopic beliefs are probably more prone to having negative self-talk that magnifies a situation thereby provoking anger unnecessarily.

Here's an example: your supervisor speaks to you about finishing your duties in a timely fashion. He/she does so in a stern fashion and with a raised tone of voice.You, with skewed thinking, interprets this as your supervisor being contemptuous and talking to you as if you were a child. You feel disrespected and humiliated. Your anger sets in and begins to escalate as you continue this negative self-talk. If you do not stop yourself, or time out respectfully, you are likely to engage in aggressive behavior which will lead to negative consequences.

Now it's easier said than done to ask people whose way of thinking predisposes them to constant anger to change their way of interpreting anger-provoking events or the statements or actions of others. ThIt is especially difficult for adults as we are already set in our ways, and even with professional therapy it may be quite a mountainous task to completely revamp a person's mode of thoughts. This is why more practical strategies such as thought-stopping and time-out should be used to help manage anger and potential explosion.

Thought-stopping

If thy hand offend thee, cut it off. If thy thoughts kindle thy anger, stop them. Pretty simple, right? Again, easier said than done. It's doable, though, and gets better with a lot of practice and awareness of your personal mental cues which send off the warning that you are becoming angry or angrier. To counteract negative or irrational thoughts we are advised to engage in a process of disputing those thoughts. We can do this by having internal dialogues which are more realistic and rational.

Time-out

Similarly to thought-stopping, time-out requires the will and the discipline to catch oneself in the heat of the moment and be able to diffuse a situation of escalating anger. It probably requires more discipline than thought-stopping, because to time-out you have to go beyond halting your thoughts. You have to stop them then turn around and be able to call a time-out. It is good to verbalize the time-out or show the time-out sign but it isn't necessary. Ultimately the goal is to diffuse the anger-provoking event before you lose control leading to an an explosion of anger, followed by possible negative consequences, such being arrested or going to jail. You may also leave the room, for example,  in order to allow things to calm down and return to normalcy.

While thought-stopping is aimed at preventing you from further irrational and negative thinking and beliefs, time-out gives you an opportunity to take a break and return to the situation in a calm state. There is no rule that says you must pick up from where you left off before you called the time-out.

Whichever strategy you employ, the important thing is to choose one or more anger management methods that best suit you. The end result is what matters and the preferred and expected result is to have you avoid the negative consequences of anger that went out of control. You may experience less and less anger episodes as you become more and more conscious of what triggers your anger and how to prevent escalation.

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